Useless Brain Vomit

PRESIDENT BUSH FINALLY GETS JOKE ABOUT HIS LAST NAME
BY FLOYD WINKERBEAN
AP

On June 18th at approximately 1:45 P.M., President Bush finally realized why his last name is funny. He was in the Lincoln Bedroom playing with his blocks when he finally had the epiphany. Said Bush of his recent clarity; “I don’t why it took this long for me to get it. I never understood why people would giggle when somebody would say Hey, where’s Bush? But now I understand. You see Bush is a slang term for a woman’s humpin’ part. Yeah, that is pretty funny.”

In an unprecedented move for a President, Bush decided he is going to change his last name. “I got it narrowed down to three. The first is George W. Holmes, ya know, after that porno guy John Holmes. You see, John Holmes was known for his giant wiener. I figure if I change my name to Holmes, people will think I have a big wiener too. A large hump stick intimidates people. I think it will especially help with the North Koreans. Everybody knows Asians have small winkies, so Kim Jong Il will do whatever I say because he’ll be in awe of my Texas sized wiener. That’s just good strategery.”

The second name President Bush is considering is George W. Schwarzenegger. “How cool does that sound,” Bush gushed, “I mean that guy’s awesome. If people think I’m related to him, I’ll get more respect. After all, we’re talking about a guy whooped up on Richard Dawson and the Predator, and then went on become President of California. Think about that for a minute, a Predator. I’ve had a staff working on how to defeat a Predator for 4 ½ years. He did it by himself. You ever seen a Predator? There mean son-of-bitches, growling, clicking, and drooling all over the place. I don’t know how he did it. Yeah. George Schwarzenegger. That kicks ass”

The last name Bush is considering is George George. “You see rememberin’ stuff like names is hard. I got too many. Sometimes I get confused when people call me by W or Mr. Bush. This way it is just George either way.”

One other name that the President was thinking about but decided against was George Clinton. Explains the President “Man, old Bill could get away with anything! He got his wiener slurrped’ in office, and his old lady didn’t leave him and his approval ratings even went up! That’s stones man. But then Condy told me that George Clinton is the name of some kind of funky alien guitar player or something. I told her I only listen to Lynyrd Skynyrd and Alabama. But since the name was taken, I decided to ditch it.” When asked weather or not the Vice President was going to change his name as well, Bush replied “ Why? What’s so funny about the word Cheney?”